The program changed my child completely and it was as if I get my long lost child back. We had a big family lunch when he came back and everyone loved my child. I was the proudest parent that anyone could ever ask for. I could thank the people that gave me back my child, enough, My heart felt like I was in heaven. I had actually given up hope a few months ago, and I look at my child now. Just look at him. I had my own son back. … But, it was a happiness that was short-lived.
My child was at home and wanted to go out all the time. I thought that I should allow it because all of us need space and friends. Then he started coming in later than the time that I gave him. By the time I discovered that his behavior has changed, he was back to being the rude and aggressive person that he was during the days of addiction. This was a subtle change that I could have picked up if I had not allowed myself to be too lenient. If only I was maybe more strict. If only I had seen it happening, when he became untidy and started not doing the chores that I gave him. I gave him money even tough at the support group meetings we were told that money was a triggering factor to addicts. I just messed up time after time. Then I stared blaming the centre and everyone else. I blamed everything and went back into a total denial. I still did not want to believe that my child was back on drugs. But this time it was worse, because everybody knew that my child was in rehab. I was doing so well and I showed him off to the world. I spoke about him as if he did me a favour by going to rehab. It was a total embarrassment. I did not know what to do.
I had no-one to speak to about what I was going through. I was back to square-one. This time I was afraid as to what my husband was going to do to this child. He kept telling me that it was all an act that this child was putting on, to get us to accept him back into our lives. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought that my husband was just trying to be difficult. But I believed in my son. There was no way that I could have faked being this new person. But now, what am I going to do? After blaming everyone, after looking at all options open to me, where-to from here? … Do I have energy to go through this again? … Will my suffering never end?
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